Jess
by Rowana Renee
Summary: A poem about how Sammy feels right after Jess is killed in Pilot. There's a not-so-hidden message somewhere in there. It all lines up pretty well so if you look hard enough you should see it...


~Jess~

Just kill me now, it's all over anyway.  
Everything has changed, will never be the same.  
Some kind of hero, I can't even say your name.  
Stop trying to hold on, I don't really want to stay.

It's so confusing when the sun still shines,  
Must be yet another terrible mistake of mine.

Stop the world from turning, it stopped the day you died.  
On and on it keeps on spinning, while I'm drowning in these lies.

So can you make it quick, just once?  
One time out of many times?  
Really, does it have to take so long?  
Running out of time and breath...  
You're gone and you were all that I had left.

Take another step towards me,  
How can I forget the things I've seen?  
As if you're waking in my dreams,  
Tomorrow you'll be just a memory.

It seems we've reached a compromise.

When I close my eyes for just one breath you  
Appear again and die again, nothing I can do,  
Save for never sleep again and slowly fade with you.

Too bad that the sun came up again today,  
Out of all the days it could have stayed asleep,  
On the day that I'll remember as the day I'll never reach.

Lost a thousand words on being brave,  
And trying to keep moving on again,  
Then fell for the moon, reminding me of your eyes.  
Evening's here again, stop showing me my sin.

Touch a fragile recollection just  
One time, it falls apart,

Still on the night you burned, you ripped out my heart.  
Ask and answer quickly, before you fade away.  
Veer onto another road, I hate seeing you this way.  
Everything is gone now, nothing can remain.

Your face is burned into my eyes,  
Of course not the way that you should be.  
Unique that I remember, but only that you died.

Forgiveness isn't something that I need or might deserve.  
Realize I left you with a promise to return  
Only to abandon you so long that you were claimed,  
Monsters all around me, I knew I was too late.

Truth be told I am as much to blame,  
Hell is Heaven if I can give my pain a name.  
Ecstasy is chaos, there's fire in the rain.

Death is in my eyes and my blood is made of tears.  
Every bit the monster that every child fears.  
Much depends on everything that I've forgotten through the years.  
Only broken bonds can save me from their jeers,  
Not that I require aid, just let me face the leers.

Tell me you forgive me so I can deny your trust,  
Help me see beyond that so that I can see  
Again into the real world,  
Then back in reality.  
So much good that can never be...because of me.

Love is not a feeling, but an action, sacrifice.  
If I had another chance, I would give you my own life.  
Villains aren't the scary part, but rather what's inside.  
If they could hear us calling, maybe they'd turn back.  
Not that they can know we're listening or have  
Got to compensate for everything we lack.

I would trade insomnia for amnesia any day,  
Not to forget you, but to forget those flames.  
See, look at the bloody trail that's leading where I go.  
If I touch you then you'll die like fire mixed with snow.  
Destruction, nothing more, that's what I think I am.  
Everything is fading around wherever I stand.

Obliterate eternity, let me go to sleep.  
Forgive me then forget me, and the secret that I keep.

Must we keep on running, can't we go somewhere that's safe?  
Everything is gone now, there isn't one safe place.

Inside of me there dwells only darkness and fear.

Here's to the day we meet again,  
Only if you remember differently.  
Please forget that one day, think of  
Everything we'll be.

You're still laughing in my head like  
Only you would be  
Unless you're only laughing to make a fool of me.

Kill the reason for living and,  
Not the empty vessel.  
Only cruel intentions can follow  
What will be a path to hell.

It's not fair that you had to go away.

Such calamity follows me each and every day.  
Trust not and hurt not but the ones I try to save.  
It's so strange that some still love while I cower in their wake,  
Like a feather in a windstorm or a grain of sand at sea.  
Like the love that's lost on pride and hope and stupid fools like me.

Let's start all over from the end before the pain subsides,  
Of all the wounds that we've both gained, the worst is in your eyes.  
Vicious and evil, there's nothing left of you.  
Evening has risen and I won't let you die.

Young blood, that's all there ever was.  
Obvious obscenity litters all that I can see.  
Understanding, overrated, let's give it up and flee.

Could we have time to say goodbye,  
As well as save your life?  
Notorious for importance, is that really such a crime?

Nighttime is my fantasy, the dark blanket a shield.  
Obnoxious, screaming furious nightmares make me yield.  
Tonight I'll end it peacefully and drift through dreamscapes' field.

Face the truth, is it really such a hard thing?  
Of course it's not, but it seems like moving mountains.  
Ridiculous notion that it seems, I believe you're watching in my dreams.  
God help me, I can't go on like this again.  
Everytime I close my eyes I see you burn and then I'm  
There again, screaming for help that never comes for me.

Yarrow veins and siren calls,  
Oranamental chides and tomes you'll never know  
Unless I can call you back again from where I cannot go.

Fight on another day and wonder why after,  
Obviously I'm fighting toward a goal I'll never reach.  
Ring around the roses, we all fall down someday.  
Great to know, but for whatever reason I'm still trying,  
It's like I really care when really I just want you back.  
Visions fade and visions rise, but tears for you still linger.  
Everywhere I turn I see that look again, I know I'll never leave you far behind.

Must I face this torment for the rest of my  
Entire whole existence all alone?

Praying for one more chance to ask you on another dance,  
Let me see if I can learn from this another time.  
Everything I am is what we could have been,  
Always and forever, there and back again.  
Safe and sound and peaceful, that's all we wanted.  
Everything has faded, and now I'm just left haunted.

May I close your eyes again and not feel so guilty as you sleep,  
Yet remember you and let a day go by in peace?

Just one day of solace, a little comfort now and then?  
Everyday a little stronger, so I can hide my fight within?  
Say that you'll forgive me so I can deny your faith.  
Say that you still love me, and let me take your place.

Terrible atrocity, mingling with another thought.  
Happiness, not guilt-free yet, but better when avenged.  
Everything is coming back, there's colour in the sun.

Every memory's doubled in my dreams of you.  
Never let you go, but not turn out worse for this.  
Desire's an enchantment, and I'll always love you, Jess.


End file.
